Monday, May 18, 2015
Last Tuesday I went to the yarn shop to begin winding the yarn for my healing project. Not so healing. The skein was a challenge, someone thought it had been wound by a winged monkey. It had many issues.
I needed help and received it, thank goodness. I wound while someone else held the yarn, it became an opportunity for letting go and cooperation. I took it as a lesson and perhaps some healing and let it go with that. I decided not to challenge myself with the second skein that day.
I believe in owning my failures, doing for myself as much as possible, sometimes we need to ask for help, keep moving, keep going to pool therapy, keep trying to improve myself. When I don't hit the mark, don't beat myself up so much.
One thing I am finding harder to let go is with my name. As a child I was called Sandy, as an adult I introduce myself as Sandra. Lately I find it harder to ignore when People shorten it. I let it go for a long time, now I'm not, especially with people that. My name is about me; I introduce myself as Sandra and want to be called Sandra. I'm the one that survived the childhood and the BS. I realize this is important to me. I survived, stood my ground and walked away when I needed to, my name is about me.
Sometimes I think about serenity, letting go and what hill I need to make a stand on. and if people have paid attention, they have seen me letting go. Walking away from wanting others to be clear and not erupt with half truths to suit their needs.
My hills are having more meaning, more substance.Keep taking deep breaths in life, that's what I remind myself to do.
Life is chaos out of control and I am helpless until I find the wisdom to know what I can change, what has the most meaning.
Life can be good, I'm keeping focused on making it better.